You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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