You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize