Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
