I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
