I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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