I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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