she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
