Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
