i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
