She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
