She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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