When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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