all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize