dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
