you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize