I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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