We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
