i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
