I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
