thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
