is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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