I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Be still, my beating vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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