just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
