Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
