The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
