sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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