I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
