my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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