i don't like sucking hair
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
