he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
