nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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