Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
