My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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