The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
