dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
