he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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