I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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