it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
