What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dick very happy bro
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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