booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize