he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
