the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
