smell my finger.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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