My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
