Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
