Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
