Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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