I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
