I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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