Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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