The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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