I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is wine microwaveable?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
