I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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