I want to have your abortion
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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