So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize