You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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