I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
