In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
