the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize