I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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