im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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