You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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