oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
