Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize