i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
