last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
