Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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