no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
