just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
