i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize