Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
