And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
