I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
