My room smells like vodka and shame
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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